A potentially hazardous topic, and I’ve been debating about whether to post about it, as I usually avoid confrontation at all costs. But I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, because it has come up in a few conversations I’ve had with various people, who have various different views on it, which in turn has forced me to address my views on it.
Warning: my views are going to seem naïve and simplistic to many, and perhaps they are. But I have been doing my research, and in particular have been reading this blog. there are many more I could link to, but I like this one because it is honest and it has got me thinking about my views on the said topic. I mean on a personal level of course, the status of polygny in Islam is not being called into question. In the end, it is allowed in Islam today, just like it was at the time of the prophet, peace be upon him. I can understand why people are against it and wouldn’t want to practice it, but I don’t really see what the big deal is, if it is practices properly it can even be an advantage for the woman.
The main benefit I can see is quite simply more time. sometimes time apart is a good thing. You have more time to do things you did before, spend time with friends etc. and it would stop you from becoming too attached to your husband, I think, which can often be a dangerous thing.
I’m going to update this soon when I have more time, as I have some more “justifications” for my arguments. I know people are going to have strong views on this, and I’m just waiting for someone to say “just wait until you’re married..” .
But I just wanted to put the topic out there, and in particular discuss two things that I’m still wondering about.
Firstly, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the consent of the first wife is not needed. In fact, the husband does not even need to let his first wife know if he gets married. This seems to be the biggest cause of anxiety and distress for the 1st wife. the only way of preventing your husband from getting married again is by stipulating that you don’t want him to in the marriage contract (does anyone actually do that?) so, if you don’t do that, and your husband does marry again, do you have the right to divorce him?
another argument against polygny is that it doesn’t fit into western society and is outdated, but I’m worried about this idea as it can be applied to a lot of things in Islam. Are we being conditioned and influenced by western notions about what is acceptable and right?
As I said, I want to add more to this but it depends. I just think polygny is something we need to accept more, so that people aren’t made to feel bad about wanting to do something that is halal at the end of the day, providing the relevant conditions are met of course.