stop spending, start saving

i'm drowning!

i really think i should be learning how to swim. does anyone want to join me?
the problem is i don't want to join a womens only group, with pretend segregation, i want a Muslim only group with some real segregation.
actually what i really want is a bug huge swimming pool just for me and noone else. it can't be that expensive, surely.

whilst i'm wishing, i also want a big huge tropical fish tank like this one.



aren't fish just the most amazing thing ever? but those things are so--o expensive.
and there's me thinking i''m not high manitenance! guess i was wrong

i think i better start saving.

oddimalities

i was planning to spend some time today posting some teaching ideas (i know that section is being neglected at the moment) but memes are much more fun, so i'm doing snowdrop's tag instead! so, here are my odd points.

1- i have a phobia of numbers and do not like maths. this is odd because everyone in my family is so good at maths, especially mental maths. i even use my calculator to add 1, just to make sure. i'm not kidding either.

2- my mum thinks i'm the loudest person ever, and is always complaining that i don't need to shout. that's not going to sound odd to a lot of people actually, just those who think i'm super quiet!

3- i strongly suspect i need to visit the opticians, as well as the dentist and i should probably throw in a visit to my GP as well (do i actually have one?) but i absolutely refuse to go. i just don't trust them, and i'm sure some GPs just hand out drugs to keep their patients quiet. this is odd because a lot of people seem to trust doctors etc unquestionably, but not me.

4- i really want a deep, husky voice. most women who have deep voices don't seem to like it but i would swap with my high pitched whiny voice any day.

5- i really like dark skin on asians as it looks rather suave. this may seem odd to some people who automatically associate pale skin with beauty, a concept which has always seemed quite bizarre to me.

that's all the "new" stuff i can think of at the moment. i think i've done something similar to this before. anyway, i tag sheila (rosache) and just a temporary measure.

random waffling (again)

i've been inundated with work since my last post saying work is laid back, which i guess deserves me right! i've spent the last week doing a data destination check, which would have been fine except i have to include students who dropped out right at the start of the year, and i can't even remember what they look like! so, i had to do a lot of phoning around, and some people did not want to talk to me. i mean, how hard a question is it, "what do you have planned for next year?" there's no need to be rude about it.
although i think i am just as bad when i'm on the receiving end. i must be the most annoying person to speak to when someone is trying to sell me something. i only answer with "yes" or "no".
"would you like to upgrade your phone"
"no"

"are you happy with the one you have"
"yes"

"what's your name?"
"erm..no"

it works every time. you can't hold a conversation with someone that breaks the rules of conversation, it's impossible. i think i would get very frustrated working in a call centre. i should try to be nicer.

i've also had to update the prospectus. the A Levels as we know it are changing in 2008. at least it got me to read the new syllabus. the main difference is two modules per year instead of three, which would be ok but i've just got used to this one, why does it have to change?? most of the department have figured out they will will be retiring by 2008 so haven't bothered, so had to do a lot of the work for it myself, along with one other colleague. i suppose i would feel the same way if i was them.

ok, i'm done with the complaining! at least the weather is miserable today (only i would use that sentence in a positive way) and i won't keep getting asked if we can have classes on the grass "like we did in maths". why would i voluntarily teach with the creepy crawlies?
the AS students are back. it's a relief to be back in the classroom again. i was reminded why i would hate to have an office job seeing the same faces every day.
i think i will scare them by going through all the work for next year, and then we are playing countdown with scrabble letters- it works, and one has to improvise when there are no interatcive whiteboards available (poor me). it's also a good way to offload all the junk in my office, which is being replaced with healthy stuff this week.

oh, found something else to complain about. my wisdom tooth is starting to hurt. does this mean i have to go to the dentist, as all dentists are evil. i haven't been in yeee--aarrs.

when it's hot..

i do not like it when it's hot. people do crazy things when it's hot. i'm glad it's not hot today like it was hot yesterday. my duas seem to have worked.

i'm considering hibernating until it's time for the big woolly scarves and thick coats to come out again.

i'm not saying everyone should cover up during the summer. people can wear what they want. "it's a free country" after all, but are people wearing less because they want to or because they are being pressurised to?

like there is a student who has really bad acne so came in wearing a long sleeved top. one of her friends commented "gosh, aren't you hot in that thing?" yes, of course she is hot in that thing, she doesn't need you to remind her she's hot in that thing, maybe she just thinks being hot in that thing is better than the alternative of not wearing that thing!

i don't think i am the only one who does not look forward to summer. most people do not like their bodies, because they are being forced to compare them with unrealistic size zero supermodel images. they will diet and make themselves miserable before they dare to allow their bodies to be scrutinised by others.

one of "my" boys was sent to me yesterday by the learning mentor for upsetting a girl in the study area. when i asked what he said it was something along the lines of not wanting to see "all her stomachs".

so, you're encouraged to undress when you're young and thin, but people actively try and force you to cover if you're older or not the "right" size?
it just feels like double standards to me.

woops

for those that don't know me, or don't know me well, you should know i'm known to be ...a little dopey, well ok a lot dopey. i will try and cross the road with cars coming at me from both sides, i will walk past people on the street by accident and i think i may have invented the 90 point turn!

but this week, i think i may have surpassed myself in how dopey i have been!! here are a couple of examples to illustrate my point:

1) pasta disaster- you know when you want to add some salt and chillies and can't be bothered getting a spoon to measure it, so just tip some out from the jar? no, is that just me? well, i am punished for my laziness every time i try this. i tipped some chilli powder into the pot, and half the jar fell out! i managed to get rid of most of it, but it was too hot to do it properly, so to compensate i thought i'd add two spoons of sugar. it didn't work. i had to drop most it off to my uncle's, as they can handle their spices better than us.

2) keys seize- when i was going to drop the pasta to my uncles, my dad said to take my sister's car, so he can do some checks on mine. so i grabbed my sister's keys and then out of habit just walked to where my car was parked and tried to start my car. i must have sat there for about five minutes wondering why my keys had stopped working before i finally realised.

you have my permission to make fun of my stupidity or you can share your stories to make me feel better! just please don't mention the time i tried to hold a conversation with a recorded message, or when i tried to pause the radio in a panic when receiving an important phone call. they were years ago, i should be allowed to forget them by now!

woohoo!

i love being mmmmmeeeeeee-------eeeeeeeeeeeeeee. alhamdulillah for the blessings i have.
i'm just in a good mood!

i love my family and how cute my parents are bickering with each other over silly little things because they are bored and have nothing else to do. now my grandparents and uncles have moved out.

i love my friends. seriosuly i really do. i love how even if i don't see one of them in ages we can pick up where we left off and it's the same as it always was.
i love the way there are no "politics" involved in my friendships. for example i can buy someone a present and i know they don't think " oh i have to buy them something better back now"- the way our parents generation perhaps would.
i love my blogging freinds the mo--ost! i love the way it is keeping me in touch with people who live in other countries, sometimes i "speak" to them more than my firends that live accross the street!

i love work at the moment, becasue it's so quiet and calm. might have something to do with the fact that there are no students!! it's a well deserved time of year compared to how hectic it is at the start when you don't know the students and there are so-o many nameless faces!


ok i'll stop now before you think i've taken some sort of happy pill or you're getting annoyed at me because you're not in such a happy mood!!

talking about nothing much

i'm at work and i'm bo--red. the students are on study leave and are supposed to come to see me if they want last minute revision tips for their exam tomorrow, but the ones i've seen are more concerned about their Maths exam today.

i should get on with some paper work and i have done some actually. i've looked through portfolios for communications and animal care. portfolios are so frustrating, everything has to be perfect and in the right order. i got one sent back because it had the wrong date on so i had to print off the work again and alter the date.it's such a pain. i've got the IT ones left to do, but i'm scared to even start and i need something to do for the rest of the week!

at least i'm not invigilating today. i didn't used to mind invigilating, as it was rather fun seeing the usual fashion obsessed teens wearing mismatched clothes because they were too worried about their exam to care. but now i get really frustrated when i see them sitting there doing nothing, instead of answering the questions, or worse- doodling on the page. don't they know how much it annoys the examiners when they see that?? it shows you haven't answered the question properly if you have time to do that and it shows your not taking the exam seriously.

as you can see i've got no students to nag so i'm taking it out on you guys instead. one of my students just came to see me, but she's going to get an A anyway i don't know why she bothered (she's my favourite student)

anyway, i should make a start on cleaning my desk, i suppose. i share my office with two men over 50 and they are so--o clean and tidy! i don't know how they do it. i just dump extra worksheets and resources on my desk after the lesson, and don't want to throw them away in case the absent students ask for them, and the paper just tends to accumulate. and they do all the washing up and dusting. they also never eat junk! i feel guilty for bringing in biscuits when all they bring in is homegrown apples and tomatoes.
oh well, i've decided to start eating healthier anyway. well actually i decided months ago but this time i mean it! i'm going to start with small easy things and share them through my "healthy eating tips" which i will try to update regularly.
does anyone like my translation feature. probably don't have any readers from any of those countries but i just really like the way my page looks in Chinese!

anyway got two more students. that desrves me right for wishing they'll come!

salatul-istikhaara

yesterday was just an ordinary saturday, you know lounging around the house and then it got busy with lots of guests (in the way that only pakistanis know how!) and so barely had time to breathe!

and then...

at night, i had a conversation which touched me and made me remember something. you know one of those conversation which you know will stay with you because of how powerful it was?

i had the pleasure of telling a sister about the istikhaara prayer.before i carry on, i just wanted to talk about what it made me remember- my first experience of feeling at an utter loss and not knowing which direction my life would take.

i was 17 at the time and working hard at college to get the grades i needed to study Law at university. i had always been sure i wanted to do Law, encouraged by my teachers and parents who wanted me to do something great and deserving of the work i put into my studies (yes i was always a little nerd!)

and then one of my closest and dearest friends, who i respect a lot, told me that perhaps Law wasn't for me, and i would be suited to something else (i can't remember if she actually suggested teaching or not) at first i denied it and insisted law was for me and that was what i wanted to do

but gradually i started to think about teaching, and made some tentative enquires, and really liked the idea, but decided i wasn't cut out for teaching (especially thinking back to my own high school and mean some of the kids were to teachers!)

so, i decided to stick with Law and that's what i applied for and when i got my place at a very competitive university, i decided it was meant to be and i should be lucky as so many other people don't get that chance. i convinced myself i was doing the right thing.

and then one night, i was speaking to another dear friend online (why are all my deep and meaningful conversations always online?) and i told her about my "decision" and she said, you still don't sound sure so why don't you pray Istikhaara? and taught me the whole thing that night (i wonder if she knows how much of an effect that conversation had on me?)

i was so excited and ecstatic as i finally felt at peace, you know? i prayed Istikhaara for a long time, and got a bit impatient to be honest as i was still undecided. and then one morning i woke up and i was sure what i needed to do. i didn't have a dream, but i just had this certainty and felt at peace with the decision, even though it wasn't what i had wanted.

doing Law would have been easier because it was what people expected of me, and i knew it was what my dad wanted. but teaching was what was written in my destiny.
telling my dad this was my biggest concern as i didn't want to disappoint him, so i did what i always do when i want to tell my dad something big- told my mum and asked her to tell my dad:)

and to my great joy my dad said straight away, it's up to you and do what's best for you. alhamdulilah, he then said he had only ever encouraged me to do Law because he thought that was what i wanted.

so there you go. i put my trust in Allah and felt at peace with my decision straight away. of course i did, as who can guide me and understand my needs better than the One who created me?

i felt so grateful to Allah for granting me with the honour of telling this sister about istikhaara yesterday. immediately i could feel her excitement as she felt sure this was the best solution and the only way to make the important decision she wanted to make.

so, one of the reasons i am sharing this story with you guys is, i want you to please share your experiences of salatul-istikhaara and how it may have helped you to come to any decisions. i know it is a very personal thing, but i am hoping to show the sister the variety of experiences people have, and how it can affect people in different ways.

so, spill!

my new blog

i like blogging. you may be able to tell seen as i post almost every day! and i'm slowly but surely convincing my friends to blog. habiba should start hers soon! i like habiba, she is my favourite person ever and i tend to follow her everywhere! i think she is trying to get rid of me though, so if anyone wants to take her place... :)

one of the things i like about blogging is i can share what i know with whoever wants to view it. people sometimes ask me about teaching and what is like, for example, and i think it's important to answer such questions honestly. i will be posting soon on what a typical day at work is like, complete with every minute boring detail, so you have that to look forward to:) so, i like the fact that this blog is open to the public and anyone can access it for that reason, maybe even people i don't know, and i would encourage such people to ask questions and particpate in any debates or discussions.

but

at the same time, i'm consciouss of the fact that i can't always "be myself" on this blog, and it would be nice to have a space where i can write soley for my freinds' benefit. wordpress have this feature, for example, with password protected posts, and of course you can restrict access on myspace (msn messenger space) but i still think blogspot is much better.

so

the only way i can think of at the moment to get round this issue is to create a separate blog. you can access it via my profile, by clicking on "secrets".

the easiest thing to do would be to email me if you want access. i've already added the people who comment regularly, seen as they are my most loyal blogging friends. blogger sends the email so it may go to your junk email folder.

anyway, as i said, most of the useful stuff will be here still, but the other one is where all the fun will be at:) i'll leave it to you to choose which one you want to view..

in the blink of an eye..

My dad said once that his life has passed in a blink of an eye. One minute he was just a young boy, and the next retirement is looming and he sits wondering where all the time has gone. It’s a scary thought that one of the signs of the end of time is that time will pass quickly, but as we become immersed in everyday life, it is easy to forget how short life really is. So now as I’m nearly as quarter of a century old and a new sate in my life looms, I can’t help wondering is it just me or is life passing by quickly all of a sudden?


I think one of the problems in today’s world is we are so preoccupied and even in our leisure (leeesure- ssw:)) time we feel the need to occupy ourselves with tv, computer games etc instead of just sitting and reflecting or talking. So, we keep busy and then we reach the age of retirement and then we stop and wonder where has all the time gone.

So, a new life then and new responsibilities. When I was at uni and I was having a bad hijaab:) day and didn’t want to get out of bed, it was just me that was affected. Now, if I were to do that, a whole class full of kids are affected (very thankful kids no doubt but still) as well as the office staff running around sorting out cover etc

I’m not saying I want to live a totally selfish life forever, i’m just saying it’s sad that’s all. It’s sad how people have to change their lives and change their priorities and move away and grow apart.

and I miss my childhood. I miss high school – not all of it, definitely not all of it, but the part where I felt secure and the part where I felt that the future was certain and there was someone else making the decisions about what I should study, and the part where what I wanted to be when I grew up was very far away.

I guess I miss the certainty of the future.

I miss feeling certain that everything good always wins out, and that when the time for marriage comes, the perfect person will suddenly appear without having to be disappointed, or worse, disappointing. I miss having to worry only about the history essay and trivial problems like not being picked last for the hockey team (although I’m sure it didn’t seem trivial at the time!)

and I miss what the nineteen nineties mean to me. I mean I showed a friends video to look at language in informal contexts and the students were all complaining. since when was friends out of fashion?? They were asking for someone called borat instead (?) and if someone called acorn(?) Walked passed me in the street, I really would be none the wiser.

And when I’m interviewing for the new intake in lower sixth, the candidates were born in the nineties! A generation who did not know life without the internet or taking a mobile phone with you wherever you go.

I’ve drifted off topic. My original point was life passes by in the blink of an eye (rhyme intended:)) And when you look back at your life, you’re not going to remember the day to day things that seem so important at the time but in the end they are so trivial, such as the report you have been stressing out about for work. rather, you’re going to want to remember your children or your family and what they mean to you. so value the little things and take time out to remember them. and value your friends and family while you have them,because they may not be in your life forever, at least not on a day to day basis.

and if you’re muslim .. then be thankful as every hurt and pain you endure in life has a point to it, and just remember that when you’re looking back at your life, the things that will count are the things that you did solely for the sake of Allah, whether that is relationships you form with people, or picking litter up from the street. in the end nothing else matters. For everything else is “just a temporary measure:)”

what i like about..

What I like about ......bengalis:

Balla assoni?!

1. The clothes. I love saris. Very glamorous.
2. The food! Especially rice and fish. Very healthy.
3. The language. There is no “p”. I never did like plosive letters. Too harsh.
Someone teach me to say I love you in bangla.

What I like about ......Americans.

How you doin? (joey style)

I have too many American friends to indulge in any American bashing. Besides, we were reading this poem in class, and I found myself defending American foreign policy in an attempt to be diplomatic, because the students were being so anti American! Besides not everyone in America thinks in the same way.. (only just learnt how to do that without the messy url so will probably be doing it a lot)

Anyway, what I like about Americans then:
1. translations is showing in Broadway! If you live anywhere near new york, go and see it. Wanted to take my A2 students who are studying it but there is no where close by :(
2. the way they say leisure “leesure” tee hee hee hee. The first time Saudi stepford wife did it, I actually didn’t know what she was saying. But it sounds nifty that way. Don’t know why!
3. the cookies are bigger. Need I say more?


What I like about ......arabs

khayfal haal!?

1. the language!
2. I think it would be kind of cool to go out fully covered in the middle of summer, and not have people looking at you like you are an alien.
3. halal meat wherever you go


what I like about paki(stanis)

kese ho?

well come on I could’t leave it out now could i?
… but can’t seem to think of anything at the moment. No I’m kidding
1. the language. And mirpuri really does beat any other languages hands down! (samaose kaso, sesso)
2. whatever else you might think of extended familes, at least they are close knit and help each other out.
3. ?? any additions? My mind really has gone blank!

What I like about ......Chinese people

Le ho ma (is that right even!?)

1. everything! I’m not allowed to teach the Chinese students at college. They actually won’t let me! Well ok, they’re not allowed to do A Level English, but still..
2. I think I better stop this section, before people start getting worried about my obsession with the chinese. Really!

What I like about Danes

Hvarden har du det?

1. samia
2. gry
3. met two very sweet Danish girls, and it is no longer the ominous land with those cartoons. So yeh, all Danish boycotts shold be stopped now

and last but of course not least

what I like about Britain

aright mate? That was supposed to be cockney style. No? okay then

1. if you look and compare with other countries, I really do believe this is one of the most tolerant countries to be in at the moment.
2. the food- well it’s important!
3. the weather. I’m happier when it’s cold.

The north/ south divide deserves a post by itself, but I would just want to finish by saying the north west rocks! And London has no greenery. Right saabirah?

my brooch collection

safe driving

i haven't had an accident in five years, alhamdulilah. hhm i do not think this is due to my own safe driving actually. i have made some very stupid mistakes and i can't park(at all, really, ask anyone. sometimes i have to get out and let me sister in law do it. hanging my head in shame at this , but i attribute it to all her years of london driving)

anyhow, the reason i am talking about safe driving is because i nearly died yesterday. in fact you're all lucky i am able to still talk to all of you good people (oh and mishy) because my darling little sister thought she would try and steer round the corner in third gear.

i think this is why women should be banned from driving. and yes, that is supposed to provoke a reaction from you and encourage you to share your driving experiences. saudi stepford wife, where have you gone, you have a feminist streak, if your last post is anything to go by:)

drive safe

It’s nearly easter!

And no, I’m not excited (that much) because of all the chocolate, but because it means two weeks holidays, which are much needed. Usually I don’t like long holidays, I end up missing my students (largely because I have no one to boss around) but I have been quite cranky recently, and have been taking it out on the students which I usually hate. Oh and before anyone starts complaining about how many holidays teachers have, I have a LOT of marking to do.

Which is partly why I’ve been so cranky probably. If there is one single thing I hate about my job it’s all the useless unnecessary paperwork. Actually I don’t mind the marking as much but it’s having to do endless lesson plans and schemes of work that no one checks. One thing they don’t tell you about in the recent adverts with the pretty interested students anyway, I shouldn’t complain too much, some people do nothing but pointless paperwork all day in offices and have no interaction with other people. Imagine.

Probably shouldn’t get too excited yet. Have got a week of giddy end of term mentality to put up with yet. So does anyone have any ideas for lessons that don’t involve my dictionary challnge! Which doesn’t go down well for some reason.

what i did today

i did the be-est thing today, you will have to email or text me to find out what:)

5 weird things about me

1. i can move my ears without touching them. i mean just my ears without moving the rest of my face. it's a skill i'm quite proud of as a matter of fact.
2. i share the exact same birthday as my sister. we were born one year apart.
3. i tend to sing a lot whilst i'm moving around the house. it annoys my family a lot.
4. i learnt how to play the drums in school.
5. my students think i'm Kenyan. i thought it was funny so never bothered correcting them.

ok, so i'm very new to the blogging world, but i do know that now i've done this, i can "tag" other people and they have to do the same thing on their blog? so i tag ymiss and umm maymoona. the rest of you can just do it on my comments section of course:)

the last time i cried

"you're not a real teacher until you've cried anyway"

when i first arrived at the school i used to see this innocent looking blonde boy standing outside in the corridor. i couldn't believe he had been sent out of so many classes as he was always polite and looked sheepish when people walked past.
anyway, i ended up teaching this boy in my year 7 class and he was very quiet and always got on with his work. then one day as i was walking past his desk, i noticed that the task he was so engrossed in had less to do with learning spellings and more to do with drawing cartoons. so:
me: X, put that away and get on with your work.
X: leave me alone, everyone is always picking on me, i hate you. your work is boring anyway, i'm going to tell my dad over you.
i kept him behind at break, and he decided to mumble on (mostly about setting his dad on me for some obscure reason)so that his 15 minute detention soon turned into a 45 minute detention. he finally mananged to remain quite for 2 minutes, and then i had to let him go to get to my next class.
i walked into the class (year 9) and burst into tears. the classroom teacher quickly escorted me in to the staffroom, amid cries of "we didn't do anything to her" from the year 9s, where i wailed lke a baby for about half an hour. that's when my mentor told me "you're not a real teacher until you've cried anyway", which made me feel heaps better. i really do think having a good mentor can make or break your pgce year. anyway, she also told me that X can be very aggressive when it comes to his cartoons (it's what he wants to do when he grows up) and also, as i've learnt since, boys have to put up a macho image in front of their friends when they are being told off in public.
i don't know why X got to me so much, i think i just needed to cry to get it out of my system. i haven't let a student get to me that much since (well at least i haven't cried since!)
i think you just have to remember that in the classroom, it is not a "real" situation and the students rarely hate you, just what you represent. plus, most (but not all) of the time students only misbehave when they're bored or the work is too difficult for them. that's why supply teachers have such a rough time, the students feel that the member of staff doesn't care about them and won't be with them long term so don't bother making the effort.
one good thing to come out of it was that the year 9s were really nice to me for the rest of my placement:)

so, when was the last time you cried...

what's in a name?

this blog of mine, as no doubt you'll soon be able to tell, is really just an opportuntiy for me to ramble on. i do not currently have many friends you see. they all gradually got hitched, had one or two crying machines, and then disappeared off the face of the earth.

however, i am also hoping that this blog will be beneficial to anyone having the privilige of reading it. i promised to upload some teaching resources on here for example, and i'm hoping to exchange ideas with others lucky/crazy (depending on my mood) enough to be in this field, as well as providing an insight into the day to day life of teaching. i will also post some of my recipes, so that those of you living on junkfood and myfood can learn to fend for yourselves. i shall not name names but you know who you are!


i have predilection for blogs at the moment (and also a predilection for the word predilection) anyway, i have a few favourite blogs i check regularly, which i will link to as soon as i figure out how, and thought it was about time i stopped talking about what to name my blog and just come up with soemthing! hema is a childhood nickname, which means i can maintain anonyminity and still keep part of my identity. well i like it anyway.

speaking of names, my sister in law has decided she wants to do something about the current serene atmosphere in our house by introducing a crying machine into the bargain soon. so, any ideas for names would be appreciated. just so he/she doesn't end up with some of the recent suggestions that have been put forward. i mean HIBA??????