adab

i've been neglecting this despite requests to put it on, and i know i've been using this blog mainly to waffle on about teacher stuff (why can't teachers switch off even in their free time?)
this one is all about the etiquette of entering your own house, and the houses of others. it was interesting to hear about the ettiquettes of being a guest, as the focus usually seems to be on how to treat guests.

anyhow, here are the notes.

When you enter your own house or leave, do not push the door violently or leave it to close by itself. Rather close it with gentleness, calmness and composure, as a muslim should be gentle with everything h/she does ( i think slamming the door in a tantrum would also come under this:) )


When entering your own home, make your entrance known eg by coughing or tapping your shoes so that you do not startle or frighten anyone (oh that's why people do that!)If returning from a long journey, give plenty of notice.

Seek permission before entering every room (even in your own house!) To avoid seeing someone in a situation which would embarrass them.

When knocking on someone else's door, do so gently. Remember it is not necessary for them to open the door.
Stand to one side. And do not look through the letterbox. Don’t be insulted if they do not answer the door and do not arrive at someone’s house unexpectedly.
Use your commnon name to identify yourself if asked.
Ettiqutee of phoning someone- Identify yourself (unless it is someone you phone regularly and your number is stored) and if a prior arrangement hasn’t been made to phone, always ask if they are free to talk- make it easy for them to say no.

Etiquette of conduct towards other muslims

Suspicion is haram and one should always think the best of other muslims (70 excuses..)
Do not backbite or talk about other peoples’ sins.
Don’t hang around public areas, eg after visiting the mosque as you may be disturbing people and restricting access to their homes.

just as a side note, it is really realy sad to see muslims fighting and arguing with each other, especially in public. and is it just me, or shouldn't the same rules apply to blogs/forums? there are too many examples of people having blog fights, leaving nasty comments (usually annonymously. sigh. i mean, if you don't like the blog, just don't read it! or, email the person if you have any issues. double sigh. (and rant over)

to remind you then, these posts are based on notes from a fantastic talk i attended on adab (manners) in Islam by mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al kathwari. there is another course on soon (i've just realised it might be this saturday!) there is a sister doing a much much (much much) better job than me at summarising the notes here so please take a lot (for one thing there are no annoying side comments like there are in mine!)

i wish i was beautiful...*confession 1*

but not the kind of beautiful that society seems obsessed with.

like the shilpa shetty kinda pretty, although those eyebrows, sigh. *confession 2*i miss my stick thin eyebrows sometimes. what i mean to say is thank you saabirah for convincing me not to do them like that. now if everyone else around me wasn't plucking theirs, mine wouldn't look so bad. hint hint for purely selfish reasons of course :0)

and i dont mean the emma bunton kind of beauty either, but i'll leave that there as people are getting a bit worried abiout my obsession with that and the best said about my *confession 3* blonde obsession in general the better. don't worry gry i'm over it now (almost)

anyway, so beauty then.

we live with a society obsessed with the beauty of women. i walked into my form room a little early once, and the guys in my group were just talking about girls in such a scary way. i though it may have been celebrities or something, but it was girls in the college and without gatting too graphic, let's just say it had to to do with measurements:( i was so appalled, but i don't know, maybe i overreacted (by walking out of the lesson and refusing to teach them until they apologised) as it was just guys being guys and maybe that's just what guys talk about when they're alone?? (apparently i only have guys in my tutor group now, not quite sure what happened to the girls!) maybe they're just avoiding the room because that's how the guys talk about them, mutter mutter

but i wonder, are our men any different? because i've found when it comes to marriage that seems to be the first thing that they are interested in. which is fine, i can understand that attraction is important, but just don't use hadiths to justify it. (again with the muttering) and just for the record, that dream girl you have in your head isn't always going to look like that, and she most definitely doesn't look like that in the morning :)

anyway, back to what i was intending to write. have you ever met someone and they are so beautiful because of their deeds and the way they speak and act? that's the kind of beauty we should be looking for in our friends and spouses right. right? for it's the beauty that Allah Almighty sees.

it is narrated in Muslim that Alah's messenger, upon whom be peace said, "Allah looks not at your figures, nor at your outward appearance but He looks at your hearts and deeds"

and good behaviour and morals really do make a person beautiful. so that's what im aspiring for. a beautiful heart. and *confession 4* it's hard. as it can't be sorted out (or covered up) with makeup and ghds:) but it's a journey, right caged bird?

adab part 2

Etiquettes of greeting

I wanted to mention this one next, as it may be tempting not to give salaam to muslims in some settings, for example work, in case it is seen as unprofessional. I have come across people like this.. and I always say at least our greetings mean something. There is a point to it all. As there was with the English word “good bye” which used to be “God be with you” but of course most people today just use it as a means of closing the conversation in a friendly way. Offering salaams can do that too of course, but it can also do so much more. We should be thankful we have such an easy way of gaining reward, whilst at the same time sending peace on someone and being nice and friendly all at the same time:)

All notes taken from a course entitled adab in islam (please see intro under adab section for further details)

Before islam, there were many types of greeting, but the greeting of salaam came from Allah.
you are supplicating for the person and so you should offer salaam with the intention of making dua for that person.

assalaamualaiKUM- collective as you are also giving dua to angels on each shoulder, and will also receive three blessings in reply.


To give salaam is sunnah muakida according to some scholars. When you are greeted with salaam, reply with a greeting which is equal or better. This is a command from the Qur’an. It is wajib to respond to a salaam.


The one who initiates the salaam is better then the one who responds. And it is always better to make the first move as it removes doubts and assumptions a person may have of you, eg thinking you may be proud, wondering if you are muslim etc.


When you enter or leave your home, greet your family, whether make or female, with the symbol of Islam.
And ones family is the most worthy of receiving salaam.

Say salaam when entering and leaving a gathering.

There are certain times when it is makrooh to say salaam eg when they are eating, in the bathroom, reciting or teaching.
That is, when a person is engaged and you would disturb them.

If someone sends you salaam through someone else, the reply is alaikum wa alaikum salaam, so that you are sending salaam to the person who sent you the salaam, as well as the correspondent.

If someone sends salaam in writing, eg email or text, then reply, although it is not necessary to do so, as you can reply verbally when reading.


So, do not go with greetings that are fashionable, whether in Arabic or English, or any other language. Rather it is better to stick with the sunnah of saying salaam, and blessing and making dua for the correspondent.

adab (intro)

All notes taken from a talk by
Ibn adam al kawthari entitled
adab in islam
delivered at
Cheadle Masjid on
Saturday 31st March 2007


Adab is a word which cannot be translated exactly into the english language. it includes all good actions and verbal statements. Plural is adaab
Taken from adb which means calling people for food :)



A condition of seeking ilm (knowledge) is adab, as otherwise you will not seek ilm the way it should be sought.
The ulema used to say that knowledge without adab is like fire without wood and adab withoug knowledge is like a soul without body.



And one of the things we must do is correct our intentions as (eg)we should not want to learn to show arrogance or to prove others wrong as this is the way of the ignorant.


Classically, adab was not taught but seen and passed down. There was no need to teach it as children could see adab from their parents’ actions and youngsters could see it in their elders. Today, it is taught and books are written because this is an area that has diminished.


All the hadith collections have chapters dedicated to manners, etiquettes and adab. And imam al bukhari even wrote a separate collection – al adab al mufrad.

He did not mention the hadith in his main collection to emphasise them by separating them out and also some of the ahadith were not of the calibre that he would have liked to be included in his sahih collection.

It is said that everything in the deen relies on adab. And it is of taqwa to have adab- to have respect for the quran, the prophet saw and masjids.

And then there is social adab, and the adab you seek from your parents is the best type of inheritance they can give you.

Tasawuff and purification of the soul is all about good adab. To succeed in tassawuf , it is mandatory to have good character.

The idea behind adab is that nobody should be harmed by anything you say or do.

Because a complete believer is where other muslims feel safe in their presence

The prophet saw was the best of people, especially to his wives and servants.
This is why islam spread so fast. People came into islam because of the prophet’s saw character. One companion said the prophet saw never used to see me without a smile on his face. Another said each person thought he was the most beloved to the prophet saw because of the way he made them feel in his presence.

It deals with basic issues such as not breaking a promise. We think this is not part of our religion, but it is actually a fundamental part of the religion. And breaking a promise is one of the signs of a hypocrite.

The talk was based on the text Islmiac manners by sheikh Abdul Fattah. I will inshAllah be putting up all the points up eventually, and you should be able to access them all together by clicking on the “adab” button under the labels section. To start off, here is one I thought was pertinent..

Etiquette of joking

we need to be cautious in everything we say, in case we cause offence. Even amongst friends, we should exercise caution, although joking is permissible to some extent.
for example, one of the prophet’s saw companions was trading in the market, and the prophet saw came from behind and covered his eyes.

But even when we are joking around, we should have respect and consideration and ensure we do not cross the line.